Hellos and Goodbyes

Back from the road trip to West Virginia last Saturday, my grandson went back home today. So many hellos and goodbyes in these past two weeks.

As I travel with my grief, hellos and goodbyes are all more meaningful. I stay conscious that we never know when the last in person goodbye with someone will be.

It was a long goodbye for me with Cecil. He was sick for over two years, and went into hospice care more than two months before he died.

But for a long time, I believed he would be the one that beat pancreatic cancer. As he had set backs and then rallied, I believed that he would always rally.

It was only in the last few weeks that I knew the battle was being lost. I tried to make sure he got to hear goodbyes. I tried to make sure he felt surrounded by love as he left us.

I still have a visit to New Jersey to make. As I see family and friends for the first time since Cecil died it is incredibly emotional and exhausting. For most of them, the last time they saw him they had no idea it would be the last time. It makes it all harder.

I hope I always remember what this feels like. I hope I always remember to be in the moment of my hellos and goodbyes with the people I love. None of us can change the past. But all of us can live in the present in such a way that we never have to look back at a moment with regret for our lack of attention to a moment with the people we love.