Hibernation

I shared earlier this week that it has been unusually cold here in Southeast Louisiana. The cold weather has provoked a strong desire to hibernate, in my dogs and in me.

At first, I really fought that desire. I forced myself to get out of bed at the usual time, and then I tortured myself with thoughts of going outside to walk until I didn't and felt bad about it.

At some point this week, I gave myself permission to hibernate.

Sometimes, we just need down time. We need to stay inside, and drink warm drinks, and eat hearty food and watch movies, or read or listen to music.

For most of my life, I have felt I have to be productive. Set goals, achieve goals. Relaxation is only allowed on vacation, and after the completion of the day's goals. I have placed my value in what I have done, not in who I am.

I am here to tell anyone who needs to hear it, you are valuable because you exist. You do not have to be productive all the time. You can step back and self-nurture in whatever way you choose and it does not diminish your value as a person.

Sometimes we all need to hibernate. We need to close the circle and exist in our most available comfortable space. For some people, that is alone. For others, with family or friends. For others, with pets. For some, all of the above. It doesn't matter.

What matters is that when your brain and your body tell you that it is time to slow down and stop grinding, if you can, you should.

I'm still cooking, and making the bed, and doing my back exercises, and washing the dishes, and feeding the dogs and taking out the garbage, and grocery shopping. Those daily activities need to happen.

But I am not walking outside, or on the treadmill. I am writing, but not logging word counts, just writing until the words stop coming. I watched a movie with my daughter and son-in-law yesterday afternoon. I am letting myself take it easy. And it is okay. It doesn't make me lazy or unworthy. It acknowledges that this human is tired.

Grief is exhausting. And I hadn't given myself permission to do less because the grief has stolen so much energy from me.

But this cold week, I have given myself permission. On Monday, I will go back to my normal patterns, and I will try to keep to them.

But I forgive myself for needing to hibernate, and I am proud of myself that I finally made peace with my need to do that.

Take care of yourself my friends. You are valuable. There is no need to list the day's accomplishments to feel that you are worthy. You are worthy because you exist. I hope my telling you that helps you to believe it.