Sophie

My grandmother's name was Sophia Melita, but most people called her Sophie. We grandkids called her Mom-Mom, and my Aunt Fran called her Suze, short for Suzy-Q. Neighborhood kids and friends of the family called her Mama Dunn, and I think my aunts and uncles (other than Aunt Fran) called her Mom.

I woke up thinking about her today, and it isn't any wonder, as today is the Feast of the Assumption of Mary in the Catholic Church, and Mom-Mom had a profound devotion to the Blessed Mother. At Mass this morning, we sang "Immaculate Mary" and "Hail Holy Queen Enthroned Above", two of Mom-Mom's favorite hymns.

All of the above is true, but what I woke up thinking about Mom-Mom for was her gift of sayings. She had a few that have stuck with me for my entire life so far. They are:

• The road to hell is paved with good intentions

• You can't paint anyone with one brush

• Most babies take nine months, but first babies can come at any time

I'm going to talk about them one at a time, and share why they have become so important to me. Most of us are well intentioned, and forget that our intention is often invisible, but our result is usually obvious and easy to see. The road to hell is paved with good intentions pairs well with one of Cecil's maxims, the only time it is good to do a nice thing for someone is when that someone thinks it is a nice thing. It can be really easy to fall into the trap of thinking we know what is best for someone, or thinking that we know what they need. As a matter of course, we don't. So it is always important to think about results, and about other people's feelings, before we set off on a course of action, even if we think we are doing a good thing.

Humans are complicated beings. When someone angers or hurts us, it is tempting to take a wide brush and paint them as bad, or mean, or thoughtless. But chances are, they are more complicated than that, and see that road of intentions above, they may have never intended harm. It is good to always take a step back and really think about people, and the more we can appreciate their complexity, and believe that mostly, they are well intentioned, the easier it gets to forgive the slights instead of reacting with hurt and/or anger.

And finally, my favorite. We all know all babies take nine months, unless they are born prematurely. This was Mom-Mom's way of saying mind your own business when it comes to other people's lives and how they live them. Back to assuming most people are well-intentioned and complex, and we all make mistakes.

Mom-Mom drew people in. Her house was a welcoming place for everyone. There was always room for one more at the table, and always enough food for unexpected company to sit down and make a plate. I am blessed to have had her in my life to learn from. I hope I can do her legacy of compassion and caring and nonjudgmental acceptance proud.