Tapestry

I have always viewed life as a tapestry. Our lives and the lives of others are strings that weave together to create our memories. Our actions, decisions, and inaction and indecision change the warp and weave of the strings and change how the picture of our lives appears.

But just like a tapestry, when we examine our lives too closely, we can see only the strings, only the pixels of our lives, and we can fail to see the beautiful picture.

As I am trying to finish the book I am currently working on, and trying to navigate through my grief, it is easy to focus on a thread, or a piece of the tapestry, and see only chaos and discordant color.

It is easy for grief to convince me that all the beauty is behind me, and survival in a confusing and unintelligible world is all that is in front of me.

But just like to see the beauty in a tapestry, I have to pull back and expand my focus. This is simply another period of transition in my life. Life, if you live long enough, and are lucky, is full of heartbreaking loss, but also full of beauty.

All the wonderful moments are still there. They are still a part of the tapestry of my life. I just need to pull myself back from the immediacy of grief to see that big beautiful picture of the life I have lived so far.

And in seeing that beautiful tapestry comes the faith that the years yet to come will weave more beauty and wonder into the tapestry of my life.

Zooming out, this tapestry is a blanket featuring my Burt, and in the tapestry is a sentiment that I will always believe - Love Never Dies.

Life goes on. Beauty is waiting to be found. Love Never Dies.

The grief of not having Cecil in my life will always be part of the tapestry of my life. I will never not miss him, but I know that to weave more beauty into my life I have to introduce new threads. I have to weave a tapestry in the present and in the future where Cecil is an ever present thread, but not a physically present thread. The life we shared and the memories we made will forever change the color and tone of the tapestry in front of me yet to be woven. But I have to pick up new threads. New experiences, new people, new ways to fill my time.

And I have to remember to pull back from my grief and focus on the beauty of the tapestry I have woven so far, in order to keep faith that there is still beauty to be woven in front of me.